In my last post, I shared some personal reflections on the importance of completing an advance directive—what the process has taught me about my needs, my wishes, and the type of voice and control I want to have should I ever need someone else to make healthcare decisions on my behalf.
That last point is quite important, and—in honor of today being National Healthcare Decisions Day—I thought I’d walk through some of the questions and considerations that helped drive my own search for a healthcare proxy. These are built on discussions I’ve had with this person—one who knows me well—about the questions, answers, and decisions that are important to me. While these points reflect my own thoughts and perspective, maybe you can use them as a guide for considering what’s important to you—and how you’d want those points acted upon should someone else need to make important health decisions on your behalf.
Who You Are, Mr./Ms. Healthcare Proxy?
- You are my advocate and you are most definitely the person who has final say in decisions if I’m unable to make them for myself. Collaborative decision-making in tandem with my doctor is OK—but you know what I would want better than most.
- You will not let anyone rush you through a conversation—you’ll make sure all your questions are answered.
- You’ll make sure I’m getting the best care possible—you’ll know who my doctors are and where they trained.
- You are someone I trust to do whatever needs to be done—and that includes letting me go gently if that is the right decision. And by “right”, I mean your right—others can advise you, but the decision is yours to make based on what we’ve talked about and what you know about my wishes, needs, and expectations.
What You Know about Me
- You know that quality of life is more important to me than length of life.
- You know that I, personally, don’t have religious or moral beliefs that are relevant to decisions about life-sustaining treatments. You should make those decisions based solely on my medical condition and my long-term prognosis (the likely course of the disease or condition).
- You know how I feel about artificial nutrition and hydration. I personally think it’s an OK short-term solution if you are “waiting and seeing” if I’ll recover, but please don’t pursue it for me if I’m in a persistent vegetative state or if scans show no activity in a substantial portion of my brain.
- You know that I would ask for prognosis, weigh all the facts, make a decision, and then stick to that decision.
- You know that I firmly believe that there are no wrong decisions.
- You know that I am not afraid of living with disability nor am I afraid of dying.
What You Understand About My Long-Term Prognosis
- Get the facts and the prognosis from the doctor(s) overseeing my care.
- Ask about how I will physically function. Ask if I’ll have trouble with my mental capabilities. If I will, ask what that means in terms of my ability to function.
- Weigh those answers within the context of what you know about me and make your decisions accordingly.
- Finally, be sure to make time for yourself—being my (or anyone’s) proxy is not an easy task. I know, I’ve been there and done that. Most of all, know that I am going to be A-OK with whatever decisions you make. I trust you—and that’s what this relationship is all about.